Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Round and Round We Go.....

This past few days haven't been good.  Hubby and I have had many, shall we say "heated discussions" about this move.  He wants to go and as far as he is concerned there is no other option because of the fact that he has been looking for a job here for the past 6 months with no results.

Me on the other hand, I really, I mean really, don't want to uproot my family.  I refuse to leave anyone behind, they are our children and I just can't do it.  But having said that Hubby's kids would be staying with their mother,,,,,why you may ask, why is that so clear already?  Well Hubby called his ex and told her about this and straight away there was no negotiations, she is having the kids and we can fly them back and forth during school holidays.  Miss13 hasn't been told yet, but since she is a Mum's girl I know she won't want to come with us.  Mr11 with Autism will be staying too apparently.  This came as a surprise until I truly thought about it and basically it is money orientated.  Child support for these 2 kids will be 1 weeks worth of hubby's pay every month going to his ex!  On top of this is the cost of getting them back and forth to Melbourne 4 times a year!

When I factor in a bigger mortgage and increased schooling costs for my boys over there, I just honestly don't see how we can afford to make the move.  Hubby says we can't afford not to.

We were supposed to tell my boys last night but I just couldn't do it.  Mr17 went on a "date" with this girl he likes and then he ended up having dinner at her house with her mum and grandma.  He is also doing his Duke of Edinburgh Award.  He is going for the Gold Award which has a pretty fancy ceremony at the end (this wouldn't be till mid next year) at Government House.  This is a South Australian thing, so us moving would mean all his work he has done towards it would have been wasted.  Also they are planning a trip to NZ at the end of the year which he is excited about :(

Mr15, well like I said last week, I already know he won't want to go.
Mr11, he has alot of trouble making friends, finally he has a good group of kids and a girl he likes (so cute :)  )
Mr10 is really bad when it comes to new situations and also as he is a little chubby, he often gets teased for being "fat",,,,,,,I know that if one kid teases him at a new school I will struggle to get him back there.

Sorry for sounding repetitive the last few days, that is the state of my head at the moment.  Everything goes around 50 million times a day.

I know we are not the only family that has had to move.  I know that there are worse things that could happen and I am extremely grateful that everyone is pretty healthy and the worst problems we have are our financial state and job status, but right now this is huge for me, for us and I just don't see an easy fix for it.

If we stay, hubby doesn't have a job.  Hubby will have to take whatever job he can get as there is nothing in his line of work around.  We will both end up having to work to try to make ends meet and I'm not sure if they will meet even then with the local job market right now. I am willing to do cleaning or check out chick work but at the end of the day, Hubby wants the job that he has been offered.  He sees the possibility of improving our lives as over time this job "could" turn in to something much bigger,,,,,,it is the quotes around the "could" that scare me.  I don't trust his boss and worry that after making this move and uprooting everyone, that his boss will just do the same thing 12 months down the track.

If we move, we are up for major increases in our expenses, especially relating to the child support side of things and honestly I don't know how we can stretch the budget any more than it already is.

I did mention it to my ex and he wasn't really phased by it.   He has been thinking about moving to Melbourne himself (he had been waiting till the kids were a bit older).  He wants to get a job working on the trams over there (currently he is a bus driver here which he loves) so he says to just do it and hopefully he could follow in a few months.

I have rambled again I'm sorry!!!

1 comment:

Niki said...

This is such a hard one. I can see both of your points. Men need to feel that they can provide for their families. Bless him for wanting that for you all. But as a Mother you know how much it affects the children. I really hope something great comes out of this. Please try and stay positive & keep putting it out there that the right answer will appear, I know it sounds wishy washy, but its all I got to offer in this situation. As a Mum I think we think with our hearts first & foremost. Good luck.