Well finally the boss was back yesterday and finally hubby was able to talk to him. No ifs, no buts, no maybes, he wants him to start his new job on August 1. 10 weeks yesterday. 10 weeks from now we need to be in Melbourne, well I guess 9 weeks really to allow a week to get a little settled in.
The stress levels are starting to get to me big time now. I really thought that maybe, just maybe, the boss would extend it a little allowing for the fact that we do have 6 kids to think about but no, that isn't his problem obviously.
This is just so overwhelming right now. The housing market isn't that great at the moment for selling houses apparently. I really only want to move once, I really don't want to rent,,,,,and of course finding a rental that takes pets and can fit all our crap into, will be a whole new problem anyway. The boss has offered to put us up in an apartment for 5 days so that we can come over and explore the areas of Melbourne. 5 days to find a nice primary and secondary school and also then find a house in the area, not too far from said schools, or the other way around, whatever.
This weekend we will be tiling our kitchen, well hubby will attempt to tile (he has never done it before so I can see quite a bit of cursing will be happening. I will be painting. Naturally we only have Saturday of this weekend to get stuff done as we need to travel to Port Pirie on Sunday for Mr15's soccer game and this will take approx 2 hours there, 2 hours back and then the 2 hours for the game/warm up/cool down etc,,,,so there goes Sunday.
The reality has really hit me today that I will be leaving not only hubby's kids behind but also my older two boys. Both of them will stay with their Dad here until the end of the school year. 4 months without them is going to be sooooooo hard. Then of course there is soccer which Mr15 hasn't realised that will be a large problem which we have to attempt to find a solution to. Their Dad is a bus driver and works weird and wonderful shifts. Mr15 has soccer from 6-7.30 on Wednesday and Friday nights and then he has games on Sunday which most of the time (except the Port Pirie game) start at 8.45 and they need to be to the game at 8am on Sunday mornings. I have no idea at this point how we are going to work this out. Most of his team is new this year so we don't really know the parents, so it is a big ask to get one of them to play taxi for my child.
I so don't want to do this. I know they say a change is as good as a holiday and new starts can be good and well, yeah,, okay, it might be, but right now I'm just not really seeing it. If we were an "average" family and it was a matter of everyone moving together, yeah okay I could deal with that. But this scenario really sucks. I truly don't want to leave my boys behind, I know they will be safe with their Dad, but 4-5 months is a long time when you have never gone more than a day or two without seeing them. Hubby's kids well I just feel horrible, truly horrible about leaving them. Mr11 with Autism won't understand where his Dad has gone and I feel that Miss13 will really distance herself from her Dad and I really do wonder if she will want to come to us to visit. I think she will come the first time just to see our new place but after that I'm not so sure.
Hubby keeps going on about that it is the right step for our futures, but I guess I have never been a money orientated person. Yes we need money to live and I know that without a job, that would be very hard. But I kinda look at the bigger picture and think well the extra child support we will be paying and the cost of transporting kids back and forth between the 2 states will eat up the extra he may get anyway. For me, keeping the family together is more important than all the money in the world, but for the short term at least and in the case of hubby's kids, long term too, that won't happen. I know that hubby has tried so hard to find a decent job here and he hasn't managed it. I know that opportunities like this one don't happen every day and he would be silly not to at least try, but geez it feels to me like it is going to come at a pretty big cost emotionally.
I need to go and pack some more boxes,,,,where I put these boxes I don't know but I will pack the limited boxes I have at the moment.
This really, truly sucks as my 15 year old would say!!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Moving slowly in a direction that leads who knows where......
Well we have another 2 days until Hubby can actually talk to his boss about this whole situation we have been placed in. I am at the point of feeling like I just want to move forward. I am still really worried about the whole thing but I don't see another way out so we will move forward and I will look at it like its a new start for our lives. Exciting in a way at least I guess.
The kids are coping okay I think, for now at least. I know reality will be different but for now things are okay. I feel absolutely horrible for tearing their lives, as they know it, apart, but I also know that they will survive it too.
My ex, the boy's dad, is stressing now as well. I had tears last week from Mr11 when his dad mentioned to him that he may not be able to move for a long time. After speaking to him he said that he doesn't really want to move but is feeling pressured to do so. He has recently taken out a car loan and he has a secure job, he said why would I want to move.......this is also a guy who a few months ago said to me "if you guys get offered a better job in Melbourne take it and I will follow you, I would love to move to Melbourne",,,,this is also the same guy who 18 months ago was wanting to move to Melbourne and informed me that he would most likely be moving there at the beginning of 2013,,,,not reality is here and we need to move, he doesn't want to go. I understand, I really do. Job security is important. All his family are here. But making me feel worse than I already do sucks big time. I told him that we will help him to find a rental property. I will do the leg work for him over there, we will even look into jobs in his industry for him. On this note I am being selfish in that I need him to be over there because otherwise there are 4 more kids that we need to work out a way to see their other parent in a different state. I am already concerned about the money aspect of getting two kids back and forth, another 4 on top of that may well be impossible!
Hubby's kids, well his daughter at least, informed us in front of her mother (mum made sure of this!) that she doesn't want to move because she doesn't want to leave her friends. I knew this would happen but after earlier conversations with the mother last week, I know that she had thought about moving with us. Her mother earlier last week informed us that she was moving to Perth next year and taking the kids with her. Now she has all of a sudden back tracked saying "an opportunity has come up here and she can't move anyway because Miss13 doesn't want to".....hmm more like she saw that Miss13 may have chosen to come with us and there is no way on earth that she would let that happen lol. Miss13, I can see is a little upset. On the weekend we were listing a few bits and pieces on Ebay, stuff that is too big to move with us and which we had just been too slack to get rid of before now. She asked what we were doing and we said, we don't use it and it is too big to move and we are going to end up with a much smaller house so it has to go. I saw in her eyes that this upset her. I felt bad but it isn't like she wasn't given the choice to come with us. I know it is an impossible situation for her too though, her mother uses mind games to the max, always has and I know the guilt trip would come on pretty strong if Miss13 chose us. I said to her that at least she has a choice, my boys, younger two in particular have none, they have to move. Their dad can't cater for them with the job he has, his hours are too erratic.
So in the meantime, while we wait for more definite plans, we sit here looking at real estate in Victoria. We know that we will have to downsize our house. That sucks in some ways but I am also thinking of less housework with a smaller house lol. The boys will have to share a room but I don't see that as being so bad. It will be how most of us grew up, having to share with siblings. They aren't overly impressed but we told them for a few years until we get properly established there, that this will be needed. Fitting hubby's kids in will be the problem but as it is only for a week at a time, for about 5 weeks a year, we will work something out. I have seen a few places I would love to be able to put an offer on but we have so much work that we need to do to this house before we can place it up for sale that it is a futile exercise.
Its funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. A couple of weeks ago I had all these blog ideas of things I was going to share. I had heaps of recipes to add to my other cooking blog. Now all I add is complaints and worries lol. I do promise that his is just a short term thing and I guess I will have many more interesting things to share as we make our move and we settle ourselves in as Victorians.
You know it is funny, Victorians and South Australians have long been rivals of sorts. Whether it be football or the Grand Prix etc, there has always been a love hate relationship between us. I know that mentioning to anyone over there that we are from SA runs the risk of receiving a glare. Saying that we are Adelaide Crows supporters even worse lol. My oldest son has already said that when we move he will be going for Hawthorn. He said deep down he loves his Crows but when in Victoria he will go for Hawthorn and that will be what he tells people, lol bless his heart!
The kids are coping okay I think, for now at least. I know reality will be different but for now things are okay. I feel absolutely horrible for tearing their lives, as they know it, apart, but I also know that they will survive it too.
My ex, the boy's dad, is stressing now as well. I had tears last week from Mr11 when his dad mentioned to him that he may not be able to move for a long time. After speaking to him he said that he doesn't really want to move but is feeling pressured to do so. He has recently taken out a car loan and he has a secure job, he said why would I want to move.......this is also a guy who a few months ago said to me "if you guys get offered a better job in Melbourne take it and I will follow you, I would love to move to Melbourne",,,,this is also the same guy who 18 months ago was wanting to move to Melbourne and informed me that he would most likely be moving there at the beginning of 2013,,,,not reality is here and we need to move, he doesn't want to go. I understand, I really do. Job security is important. All his family are here. But making me feel worse than I already do sucks big time. I told him that we will help him to find a rental property. I will do the leg work for him over there, we will even look into jobs in his industry for him. On this note I am being selfish in that I need him to be over there because otherwise there are 4 more kids that we need to work out a way to see their other parent in a different state. I am already concerned about the money aspect of getting two kids back and forth, another 4 on top of that may well be impossible!
Hubby's kids, well his daughter at least, informed us in front of her mother (mum made sure of this!) that she doesn't want to move because she doesn't want to leave her friends. I knew this would happen but after earlier conversations with the mother last week, I know that she had thought about moving with us. Her mother earlier last week informed us that she was moving to Perth next year and taking the kids with her. Now she has all of a sudden back tracked saying "an opportunity has come up here and she can't move anyway because Miss13 doesn't want to".....hmm more like she saw that Miss13 may have chosen to come with us and there is no way on earth that she would let that happen lol. Miss13, I can see is a little upset. On the weekend we were listing a few bits and pieces on Ebay, stuff that is too big to move with us and which we had just been too slack to get rid of before now. She asked what we were doing and we said, we don't use it and it is too big to move and we are going to end up with a much smaller house so it has to go. I saw in her eyes that this upset her. I felt bad but it isn't like she wasn't given the choice to come with us. I know it is an impossible situation for her too though, her mother uses mind games to the max, always has and I know the guilt trip would come on pretty strong if Miss13 chose us. I said to her that at least she has a choice, my boys, younger two in particular have none, they have to move. Their dad can't cater for them with the job he has, his hours are too erratic.
So in the meantime, while we wait for more definite plans, we sit here looking at real estate in Victoria. We know that we will have to downsize our house. That sucks in some ways but I am also thinking of less housework with a smaller house lol. The boys will have to share a room but I don't see that as being so bad. It will be how most of us grew up, having to share with siblings. They aren't overly impressed but we told them for a few years until we get properly established there, that this will be needed. Fitting hubby's kids in will be the problem but as it is only for a week at a time, for about 5 weeks a year, we will work something out. I have seen a few places I would love to be able to put an offer on but we have so much work that we need to do to this house before we can place it up for sale that it is a futile exercise.
Its funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. A couple of weeks ago I had all these blog ideas of things I was going to share. I had heaps of recipes to add to my other cooking blog. Now all I add is complaints and worries lol. I do promise that his is just a short term thing and I guess I will have many more interesting things to share as we make our move and we settle ourselves in as Victorians.
You know it is funny, Victorians and South Australians have long been rivals of sorts. Whether it be football or the Grand Prix etc, there has always been a love hate relationship between us. I know that mentioning to anyone over there that we are from SA runs the risk of receiving a glare. Saying that we are Adelaide Crows supporters even worse lol. My oldest son has already said that when we move he will be going for Hawthorn. He said deep down he loves his Crows but when in Victoria he will go for Hawthorn and that will be what he tells people, lol bless his heart!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
And so the culling begins!
Well I have to start somewhere, I need to feel in control of something right now so I have started in the carport,,,,,our main storage/dumping ground for stuff we have nowhere else to put, and stuff that I think about selling on Ebay etc.
So far I have gone through Hubby's sister's boxes of stuff (why we have these still here I don't know lol but that is a whole different story!), I have condensed her stuff from 2 boxes down to 1 plus a photo album. Then I had 2 boxes of my dear Mum's ornaments that have sat in the carport for 3 years since she moved into the nursing home. These were hard to deal with but I have culled them and only kept the pieces that I know where precious to her and the ones that I would like to use in our new house if we have the space. The cheaper little knick knack type of ones are going to the op shop. I just can't hang on to everything.
It will be very hard leaving my mum. Even though she is so lost in her own dementia world these days, she still does remember me and always has a smile when I go to see her. These days you can't hold a conversation with her as she just talks about stuff that makes no sense but to see the occasional smile on her face reassures me that she is at least happy in a way. Leaving with the knowledge that it may be the last time I see her will hurt big time, it hurts enough leaving her there each time I visit, but knowing that I'm not just a short drive away will be a major deal for me :( It feels like we are all deserting her. One of my other brothers moved to country Victoria last year, now me this year. It will leave one brother here to handle things while the rest of us are flung all throughout the eastern states of Australia.
Just another joy of life I suppose.
OK back to the boxes,,,,,,,,,why did we ever keep so much crap??????????? lol
So far I have gone through Hubby's sister's boxes of stuff (why we have these still here I don't know lol but that is a whole different story!), I have condensed her stuff from 2 boxes down to 1 plus a photo album. Then I had 2 boxes of my dear Mum's ornaments that have sat in the carport for 3 years since she moved into the nursing home. These were hard to deal with but I have culled them and only kept the pieces that I know where precious to her and the ones that I would like to use in our new house if we have the space. The cheaper little knick knack type of ones are going to the op shop. I just can't hang on to everything.
It will be very hard leaving my mum. Even though she is so lost in her own dementia world these days, she still does remember me and always has a smile when I go to see her. These days you can't hold a conversation with her as she just talks about stuff that makes no sense but to see the occasional smile on her face reassures me that she is at least happy in a way. Leaving with the knowledge that it may be the last time I see her will hurt big time, it hurts enough leaving her there each time I visit, but knowing that I'm not just a short drive away will be a major deal for me :( It feels like we are all deserting her. One of my other brothers moved to country Victoria last year, now me this year. It will leave one brother here to handle things while the rest of us are flung all throughout the eastern states of Australia.
Just another joy of life I suppose.
OK back to the boxes,,,,,,,,,why did we ever keep so much crap??????????? lol
Monday, May 14, 2012
It went better than I expected...for now
Well last Wednesday night saw us tell my 4 boys. I honestly felt sick in the stomach, I just didn't know how to tell them. Hubby stepped up to the plate and dealt the initial blow. The look of shock on faces wasn't great, but after that initial shock, Mr10 was actually doing a happy dance. I knew he didn't quite understand the implications so I had to gently say that it meant he would have to move schools and not see his friends any more......then the tears started.
So the overall results from this conversation were:
Mr17 - handled it as I thought he would. He just kept saying "its okay mum". He will be staying here until Year 12 finishes so for him it isn't an immediate kind of thing, he will move in with his Dad.
Mr15 - also will stay for as long as he is able. He has dealt with it ok, he admits he doesn't want to go but understands that we need to.
I love the way these two boys are dealing with it, so grown up and not at all the way I would have dealt with it when I was a teenager with a close network of friends.
Mr11 has been pretty quiet. I haven't yet told him that he will be starting high school next year. Here in South Australia, high school starts in Year 8,,,in Victoria it is Year 7. That for him, is next year. He struggles at school and I must admit I am very worried how he will cope. He is on a negotiated education plan, which basically just means that he has difficulties in learning and they try to (supposedly) do things a little differently with him. I think when it comes time, I will have major problems with this one as he tends to bottle up anger and then we have a major explosion, we shall see.
Mr10, after the tears had subsided, is now actually quite eager. He knows he will be starting a new school but he is also excited about all the new things there will be to see and do in Melbourne. I know though, that starting a new school for him isn't going to be pretty. It has taken until now, in Year 4 for him to properly settle into school, so restarting, knowing no one is going to be very hard on him too.
Friday, we went to tell Miss13. We met up with her after school and she was accompanied by her mum. This proved to be rather interesting and has caused me major stress ever since. She was very quiet when we told her and basically just stood there saying nothing. We will talk to her properly about it when she comes here on Friday.
But in the course of the conversation we learnt that her mother is planning on taking the kids to WA. She wants to go and work in the mines with her, now fiance. This has me concerned, very concerned. I have been crunching numbers of thte impact financially of the increased cost of child support for hubby to pay (quarter of his salary!) and also trying to work out the costs involved with flying the kids back and forth in school holidays to and from Adelaide. (Just Hubby's two kids alone is going to be a struggle to do financially (especially since Mr11 with Autism cannot travel alone, he needs a carer with him)), but doing this from Western Australia (possibly Kalgoorlie) to Victoria is just horrific and would cripple us. We wouldn't be able to afford it at all!
Obviously since we are moving ourselves, its not like we can jump up and down about her going there, but I am really concerned that this will totally cut hubby off from his kids. I don't want to split our family up.
So here we are, treading water, not really knowing what the heck is going on. Hubby can't talk to his boss until May 23 so we are in limbo land right now. I know that we will have to go, but we don't know when exactly. So right now I am starting to go through our stuff and just culling as much as I can. I could be painting the house but right now I feel that culling is a better place to start.
We have been concentrating our research on Pakenham and Cranbourne areas for schooling and real estate. I like Pakenham because it is just that little bit away from the rat race but I am wondering if it is too far out when it comes to jobs for the kids, I don't want to disadvantage them at all. If money was no object we'd be fine lol, but since the difference in the Adelaide to Melbourne house markets are so steep we have to be realistic.
Ok, off to sort through stuff,,,,,,,,
So the overall results from this conversation were:
Mr17 - handled it as I thought he would. He just kept saying "its okay mum". He will be staying here until Year 12 finishes so for him it isn't an immediate kind of thing, he will move in with his Dad.
Mr15 - also will stay for as long as he is able. He has dealt with it ok, he admits he doesn't want to go but understands that we need to.
I love the way these two boys are dealing with it, so grown up and not at all the way I would have dealt with it when I was a teenager with a close network of friends.
Mr11 has been pretty quiet. I haven't yet told him that he will be starting high school next year. Here in South Australia, high school starts in Year 8,,,in Victoria it is Year 7. That for him, is next year. He struggles at school and I must admit I am very worried how he will cope. He is on a negotiated education plan, which basically just means that he has difficulties in learning and they try to (supposedly) do things a little differently with him. I think when it comes time, I will have major problems with this one as he tends to bottle up anger and then we have a major explosion, we shall see.
Mr10, after the tears had subsided, is now actually quite eager. He knows he will be starting a new school but he is also excited about all the new things there will be to see and do in Melbourne. I know though, that starting a new school for him isn't going to be pretty. It has taken until now, in Year 4 for him to properly settle into school, so restarting, knowing no one is going to be very hard on him too.
Friday, we went to tell Miss13. We met up with her after school and she was accompanied by her mum. This proved to be rather interesting and has caused me major stress ever since. She was very quiet when we told her and basically just stood there saying nothing. We will talk to her properly about it when she comes here on Friday.
But in the course of the conversation we learnt that her mother is planning on taking the kids to WA. She wants to go and work in the mines with her, now fiance. This has me concerned, very concerned. I have been crunching numbers of thte impact financially of the increased cost of child support for hubby to pay (quarter of his salary!) and also trying to work out the costs involved with flying the kids back and forth in school holidays to and from Adelaide. (Just Hubby's two kids alone is going to be a struggle to do financially (especially since Mr11 with Autism cannot travel alone, he needs a carer with him)), but doing this from Western Australia (possibly Kalgoorlie) to Victoria is just horrific and would cripple us. We wouldn't be able to afford it at all!
Obviously since we are moving ourselves, its not like we can jump up and down about her going there, but I am really concerned that this will totally cut hubby off from his kids. I don't want to split our family up.
So here we are, treading water, not really knowing what the heck is going on. Hubby can't talk to his boss until May 23 so we are in limbo land right now. I know that we will have to go, but we don't know when exactly. So right now I am starting to go through our stuff and just culling as much as I can. I could be painting the house but right now I feel that culling is a better place to start.
We have been concentrating our research on Pakenham and Cranbourne areas for schooling and real estate. I like Pakenham because it is just that little bit away from the rat race but I am wondering if it is too far out when it comes to jobs for the kids, I don't want to disadvantage them at all. If money was no object we'd be fine lol, but since the difference in the Adelaide to Melbourne house markets are so steep we have to be realistic.
Ok, off to sort through stuff,,,,,,,,
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Today we tell my boys...
Well after many sleepless nights, I have realised that we are most likely going to have to move. If we stay here hubby's job prospects are pretty slim to say the least. Victoria, as much as I hate it, does offer more in the way of jobs, not only for hubby but probably also for my boys too.
Finding a house in our price range is going to be a problem and I can see we will need a much larger mortgage than we currently have, either that or we will end up with a house both smaller and not necessarily as nice as we have now (not that this house is a show home by any means but you know what I mean lol). We are going to have to just make the best of it.
The whole scenario scares the pants off me. I guess I have led a pretty secluded life really. Moving house is something I have only done 4 times in my life and not something I enjoy doing. Its funny in a way that every time I start pulling a house apart and redecorating, is the time we need to sell. Right now this house has no floor coverings in our front lounge room, the front half the house has no curtains as they all needed replacing, the toilet door is mismatched from the rest and doesn't close properly as hubby can't seem to get it to fit right into the door frame (yes the door frame is warped as we have discovered!), we have a kitchen with no tiles on the walls and it is just a sea of patchwork plaster, and then of course we have 1/4 of the house freshly painted while the rest needs doing,,,,,,,don't even mention the garden!!!! The same thing happened last time I moved which was when my ex and I found this house and fell in love with it. I had just started painting the old house and had pulled down curtains etc.
Tonight we are going to tell my kids. By "we" I mean hubby. I already know that I will get too emotional and this just won't get us anywhere. Hubby will do the talking and I just hope I don't have 4 explosions happen. I know my Mr17 will just stay quiet and I think Mr15 will be likely to just walk away and say nothing,,,,they younger two, well they are likely to give Mount Vesuvius a run for its money I believe! After that, Hubby needs to arrange to meet up with Miss13 to tell her and I'm not sure how she will take it, I have no clue on that one.
The positive aspects I am going to be talking to the kids about is the "we have a whole new city/state to explore". We have snow country within our reach, Phillip Island penguins, a zoo that has elephants and gorillas, the aquarium, Ballarat isn't that far away,,,,,the list goes on. I know that from a weekend perspective there will be so much we can do, if we can manage to save a bit of money (big IF on that one I think but anyway,,,,)
I am trying to look at the positives today. Trying not to think about having no friends or family near me. Thinking of all the crap in the house we can get rid of before we move lol, it could be the fresh, less cluttered life I have been striving for.
I think I can, I think I can.......
Finding a house in our price range is going to be a problem and I can see we will need a much larger mortgage than we currently have, either that or we will end up with a house both smaller and not necessarily as nice as we have now (not that this house is a show home by any means but you know what I mean lol). We are going to have to just make the best of it.
The whole scenario scares the pants off me. I guess I have led a pretty secluded life really. Moving house is something I have only done 4 times in my life and not something I enjoy doing. Its funny in a way that every time I start pulling a house apart and redecorating, is the time we need to sell. Right now this house has no floor coverings in our front lounge room, the front half the house has no curtains as they all needed replacing, the toilet door is mismatched from the rest and doesn't close properly as hubby can't seem to get it to fit right into the door frame (yes the door frame is warped as we have discovered!), we have a kitchen with no tiles on the walls and it is just a sea of patchwork plaster, and then of course we have 1/4 of the house freshly painted while the rest needs doing,,,,,,,don't even mention the garden!!!! The same thing happened last time I moved which was when my ex and I found this house and fell in love with it. I had just started painting the old house and had pulled down curtains etc.
Tonight we are going to tell my kids. By "we" I mean hubby. I already know that I will get too emotional and this just won't get us anywhere. Hubby will do the talking and I just hope I don't have 4 explosions happen. I know my Mr17 will just stay quiet and I think Mr15 will be likely to just walk away and say nothing,,,,they younger two, well they are likely to give Mount Vesuvius a run for its money I believe! After that, Hubby needs to arrange to meet up with Miss13 to tell her and I'm not sure how she will take it, I have no clue on that one.
The positive aspects I am going to be talking to the kids about is the "we have a whole new city/state to explore". We have snow country within our reach, Phillip Island penguins, a zoo that has elephants and gorillas, the aquarium, Ballarat isn't that far away,,,,,the list goes on. I know that from a weekend perspective there will be so much we can do, if we can manage to save a bit of money (big IF on that one I think but anyway,,,,)
I am trying to look at the positives today. Trying not to think about having no friends or family near me. Thinking of all the crap in the house we can get rid of before we move lol, it could be the fresh, less cluttered life I have been striving for.
I think I can, I think I can.......
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