Monday, January 11, 2010

Its amazing how your views change as you get older.....

Sitting here today, I am looking at the calendar and it has suddenly dawned on me that the kids only have 15 days of school holidays left. I can't believe it, it seems like only yesterday that a couple of the school mums and I were counting down the days till school holidays began with looks of horror on our faces lol.

Today I wish that I still had weeks ahead of me before the beginning of the school year. I am dreading the school routine kicking back in. Back to the early mornings and before school rush. Making lunches and recesses, and the hassle that becomes with 2 kids who hate sandwiches. Making sure everyone gets the fruit that they like lol. The after school mayhem when they are hot, tired and cranky and you are guaranteed to be yelling before you even complete the 5 minute drive home. The joy of having tearful children as they are sent to their rooms to calm down for 5 minutes for hitting their brother or saying words they shouldn't. The homework help that is required by the high school kids and the battle to get the younger kids to do theirs. The list goes on!

I am also dreading the younger two starting back at school because last year was anything but enjoyable, dropping off crying children and spending way too much time with the principle as we try to devise a way for kids to settle better.

AAAAGGHHHHHHHHH I don't want holidays to end!!!!!

I really do wonder if home schooling the younger two at least would be more beneficial to them. I don't know if the stress that goes with schooling for them is worth it......but then again they don't like to mix with kids so I know that if I was to do that, then I would have that battle to contend with anyway. Parenting some days is just so hard lol.

I remember just a year or so ago when school holidays just gave me the horrors. When I used to count down the days with joy while the kids would count down with horror. Now I join them.

Maybe I am just getting older. I look at things with so many regrets at times,,,regrets and guilt. Should I have done more with them when they were little, is that why they struggle with their learning. Should we have played more games, did more colouring etc etc. Should I have had a bigger age gap so that each child could have been given more one on one time with me.

I don't know the answers. I so wish I could have a "do over" of the last 16 years and just start from scratch. How I would have done things differently and not taken one second of their lives for granted. I would have let the small things slide, do they really matter. Does having a tidy house really matter?

Today I sit here in a house that is very lived in. It is by no means perfect, it is over cluttered, not to the point of being a total mess but just not up to the standard that alot of other mums I know would really approve of. We have too much stuff, something I hope to fix this year in a series of major decluttering and redecorating.

This year is the year for me to get fitter, lose weight and to get my house turned into a home. To make it a place we love to come home to, instead of a place where I constantly feel stressed and feel pressured to be cleaning up. I want to be able to relax and enjoy my family in this home not be rushing my times with them so I can get the coffee table wiped down or the floors swept. Right now all the cleaning feel like it takes forever because there is too much stuff. I want to be able to wipe a surface down without having to move things all the time.

This has turned into yet another ramble. I haven't posted in a while lol, so you have all my whinging to enjoy at the same time!!

Ok I am off to clean the kitchen benches and then there might be time to squeeze in a board game with at least one of the kids....(as you can probably guess they all like vastly different games as well lol)

Pssst,,,BTW do you like the new look? I signed up to the blog frog and of course it refused to fit into my old layout so I changed. Still not 100% its the one I want but it does make me feel kinda holiday like, or at least of where I dream of being sort know the view, beautiful beach with no housework for miles around lol.

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