The Stress of Having Parents in Another Country

Yesterday my Hubby rang his parents in New Zealand.  They live in South Auckland and Hubby's youngest sister also lives with them, along with her 12 year old son.  When he called, his sister picked up the phone and said that it was great that he called as she was about to send him a message on Facebook.  Apparently she is moving down to Napier at the bottom end of the North Island of New Zealand.  This would be roughly a 5 maybe 6 hour drive from where they currently live.  She is engaged to a guy and he has recently got a job down there and she will be moving down there too.  Now, she asked her parents if they would like to move down there, initially they said no, but apparently yesterday they said that they would have to move with her too because they couldn't afford to live stay where they are currently.

This wasn't what she wanted to hear.  She has decided that she has done her time and needs to be out on her own with her son and her new man.  Fair enough I say, she is 40 years old and has only lived away from home for a short time in her life.  Her mother has just about raised her son for her!  Now of course she wants my Hubby and their older sister who also lives in Australia to try to help her to convince Mum and Dad that they shouldn't follow her.  The older sister was straight on the phone to Hubby yesterday, as she saw the Facebook message straight away and was ranting and raving about how selfish their younger sister is being.  I explained to Hubby how that is not true as I had been in a similar position a couple of years ago, I was the main person that helped my mum out and then when it came time for her to have to live in a nursing home I subsequently got stuck with all the hard stuff.  Well his younger sister has been dealing with her parents ill health for the last couple of years and I can only imagine how it hasn't been easy on her, not having other siblings to turn to for a hand at all.  Hubby sees my point and also understands where his baby sister is coming from.  The older sister on the other hand, just thinks she is being a total **tch about it all (mind you, this is the sister that in the past, has been the Queen of Selfishness so really she needs to just shut up lol).

I suggested to hubby that he call them again next weekend and just say "I hear you may be moving soon" (when he spoke to his Dad last night, nothing was mentioned about moving).  I thought maybe we could suggest that they  move over here.  I'm not expecting them to say yes, as I know they don't want to, but I feel that it is only right to offer.  We couldn't have them living here as naturally with 6 kids our house is full to the brim already and I don't think I could deal with living with them full time lol.  I thought that maybe they could move into a retirement village where they can mix with others but still have their independence, but also with their health issues we would know they would be safe.  The thought of them staying where they are, if that is what were to happen, worries me.  Mum doesn't drive and Dad now can't drive due to health issues.  His younger sister said that Mum has gone a little strange lately and is refusing to cook.  This worries me instantly as I wonder if the stress of "losing" her grandson whom she has virtually raised will be too much for her.  I feel that she is shutting down in a way.  Not having any family support nearby may all be too much for them.

I truly believe that somehow we need to get them over here.  I don't know if it is a decision I may live to regret as not having seen them for 4 years, we don't know just what is going on exactly.  I know Hubby's older sister won't offer any real assistance, she lives in NSW and we haven't seen her in 4 years either.  She never even mentioned getting them over here.  The main problem is that his parents have no money.  They rent, they own nothing of any real value.  We don't have the money to enable us to fly backwards and forwards if something goes wrong.  I know that Hubby will be worried sick about them if they stay where they are.

Right now I just don't know what to do.  I want to persuade them to come over there as I think at least that way it would ease the worry for hubby.  I have no idea how we would afford to bring them here as I know that straight away it would involve Hubby going over there to help them pack up etc then we would also have to pay for them to get here, which will involve passports etc as they have never left NZ before.  If they do come here, it will mean that we can't move to the country or interstate either (an idea we are tossing up, one which is/was sounding very appealling).  I wouldn't feel right moving them here and then we move away as well, that just wouldn't be fair.  So to do this would also put our dreams on hold,,,,,,but now I am being selfish aren't I????? lol.

Aaaagh

I don't know what to do or not to do as the case is.  I'm the outsider and I should just keep my nose out of it to an extent but I also know that Hubby will be left playing "Piggy in the Middle" between his sisters.  Crap, Crap CRAPPPPPPPP!!!!  Life sure does suck sometimes!

Ho Ho Ho...lets find the christmas cheer shall we.......

Well school holidays are here and this year finds me in a very, shall we say, unfestive mood.  I am feeling very tense and stressed and not at all like I normally do this close to christmas.  This year just feel like everything is happening and I don't have time to stop and smell the roses.

3 weeks ago our cat had his tail amputated,,,,,,he is fine but our bank balance took a real hammering.  Yesterday our older dog needed surgery to remove grass seeds from his ear and his paw, once again the bank balance got hammered and very nearly emptied.  On top of all this school holidays have started and my eldest son turns 16 on Christmas Eve and is having a birthday party next Tuesday night.  He isn't having anything flash, just a few friends over for a pizza dinner, followed by a trip to the movies and then a sleepover back here, but sadly all the expenses add up.

We are also hosting christmas lunch for my brother this year, so it will be 12 here for lunch and then of course since we have a blended family I have my kids for the morning until about 4pm and then we have hubby's kids for the night.  I feel that I will miss out on spending quality time with my guys during the day because we have so much to get ready for lunch and we also need to fit in a visit to my mum who is in a nursing home before lunch.


Does anyone else feel intense pressure to have christmas day just perfect for everyone and you always feel like you haven't achieved that?????

High Expectations or Just Sheer Laziness????

This week has left me feeling very, hmmm I don't know, I guess stressed out is the only way to describe it lol.

For quite a while now I have been feeling like I have too much too do and too little time to do it, but now I am wondering if it is just sheer laziness on my part or just me setting myself too high of a target to reach.

I am feeling like my house just doesn't measure up to other people's houses, not in the type of house we have or anything like that, I am not the sort of person that has to "live up to the Jones" so to speak,,,,,just in the sense of tidiness/cleanliness of the house and garden etc. Yes my house has 4 children and their friends coming and going for most of the time and then 2 step children every second weekend, one of those being autistic and tending to create a trail of mess and sometimes destruction in his path, but I always feel very self conscious of my house when other mum's come to pick up their children from play dates. Every surface in the house is cluttered no matter how hard I try to keep it tidy. Dust bunnies hide behind every hole and under every item of furniture. The sink seems to never be free of dishes even though I have a dishwasher in which to hide some. There are always baskets of clothes and in this weather clothes horses of washing around. The floors seem to scream out to the dust and dirt outside "hey we just got swept/mopped, come inside and makes us dirty would ya!!".

I started decluttering,,,,,,anyone who is in a "blended family" scenario would know what it is like to have two houses become one lol, you end up with two houses full of clutter under one roof! We have been living together for over three years now though and you would think I would have it sorted, but no. My mum recently went into a nursing home so I am also storing quite a bit of her stuff too which isn't helping! I am a very sentimental person so tend to hold on to way too much stuff and what I haven't held on to is sitting out in the carport, boxed up waiting to be listed on Oztion. It is my plan to list it and sell it and that will help us to save up for our next trip to the Gold Coast in a couple of years. But I need the motivation to get going with the photographing and listing of it all. I know if my carport was neater that would help me feel better but it just looks hideous with box after box of items sitting there.

I dearly want to get started on my scrapbooking. I like doing digital scrapbooking and my dear hubby bought me a couple of great programs a couple of years ago to help me improve the look of the photos and to get me started with my scrapbooking but I just don't have the time to make that start. I have finally got all my photos scanned onto the computer and I need to go through and sort them into "events" so that I can scrap them....so far I have only sorted them into years and there are hundreds sitting there needing to be cropped as they were scanned in 3 to a page and most of the scanned ones need to be photoshopped.

Everything I want to do just feels like a massive task. I know Flylady says baby steps but I am even struggling with that at the moment.

Am I the only one that feels like this? I seem to spend all day just doing the basics, like washing, folding, sorting, sweeping, vacuuming, preparing food, I look at the clock and it is time to go and get the kids from school and then I am helping with homework and preparing dinner, we eat, we go to soccer/karate if it is that night, come home, get the kids showered, they watch an episode of Alf and then its bedtime for the younger two, I jump in the shower, then read a chapter of Harry Potter to the older two and then we finally get them to bed and sit down for about an hour or two to watch shows that we have taped for ourselves then fall into bed, just to get up and repeat the scenario all over again. There has to be more to life than just constant drudgery right????

I would be interested to hear other people's views on the life of a stay at home mum!!!!

Can anything else break down or break in this house????

I am so fed up right now. We just can't seem to get a little bit of luck on our side at all. Since we have been married it has been one thing after another.
We were married in October 2007 and since then the things that have happened (to life as well as household items) are as follows:
April 2008 - Hubby's kids are taken by their mother and we have to take her to court to get access re-established.
June 2008 - Had to track down Hubby's ex as she moved house right at the time when we had to serve court papers on her and didn't bother to give us a forwarding address (thankfully they stayed in the same suburb so we were able to find them!)
August 2008 - First court date which then was adjourned because the Ex was had just had a baby.
October 2008 - Finally something goes right and we get access of every second weekend granted effective beginning of November.
November 2008 - My mum collapses and is rushed to hospital where she is kept for 2 weeks and told that she will have to be fitted with a pacemaker.
December 2008 - Major blowup between my ex and me due to his new partner deciding that there is no way on earth that we should actually be on speaking terms with one another as her and her ex hate each other!
January 2009 - My mum collapses again and lands back in hospital where she then gets moved to another hospital for her pacemaker insertion.
February 2009 - My mum was out of hospital for 3 weeks only to have my brother go and visit her and find her unconscious because of having a hypo (diabetic). Thankfully ambulance guys were able to revive her and she didn't have to go to hospital
Late February 2009 - Mum is found unconscious by Meals on Wheels ladies and goes onto to spend another week in hospital.
March 2009 - Mum is sent home only to land back in hospital a week later after being unable to breathe at a follow up hospital appointment. She then spends another 3.5 weeks in there where they assess her as having some kind of non responsive style seizure so they place her on antiseizure meds.
April 2009 - Hospital sends her home, only to have her found 4 days later by the Meals on Wheels unconscious yet again.
May 2009 - She is placed into a nursing home and here we hare mid June still trying to organise to become her Power of Attorney as unfortunately she didn't have any appointed.
In the meantime we have had a list of breakdowns as follows:
Toaster
Sandwich maker
Microwave
Tyres on car
Fuel pump on car
Fridge played up
Playstation broke down
Dog has had ear problems which cost us almost $1000 in treatment
and now.....
Hubby and Mr12 were mucking around in the kitchen the other night and Mr12 fell backwards onto the open door of the dishwasher, totally buckling the door and rendering it inoperable. Of all the things in my house the dishwasher has been the best thing we have ever done as it has saved me sooooooo much time! In this house it works out more cost effective than handwashing as dinner time used to see me filling the sink 3 times a night, not to mention the breakfast/lunch/baking session washing up times. I am devastated as we just can't afford to get it replaced/fixed right now. We just laid out $1800 to buy mum's fridge and tv off her which of course if she hadn't had to go into a nursing home, we wouldn't have purchased, but I knew that if we had tried to sell them we wouldn't have got anywhere near what she paid for them and as these items are only a few months old there was no way I was going to let her loose money on them. So I bought them. At least I know that they will last for many years but right now I am not sure its something I should have done lol.
Please tell me that our luck will change soon lol, I am just so sick of every time I turn around something else has blown up or gone wrong!!!!

What is a blog for????

My mind has been everywhere since returning from our holiday. We have had to put my mum into a nursing home and I am feeling very stressed out about this. I never imagined that this would be so hard. I feel guilty, cruel and relieved all at once. I know that she can't stay in her own home as she just can't look after herself any more but at the same time I know her views on a nursing home and I feel that we have just made her miserable.

She has borderline dementia and one day she realises that she needs to be cared for and the next she is talking about going home. We only moved her into the nursing home last Friday, but she seems to believe it is only a short term thing and she will be going home soon. I just can't seem to find a way to explain to her that this is it, this is now home.

My brothers and I have to rent her unit out as naturally she needs some sort of income as her pension gets eaten away by the nursing home fees. We are packing her unit up bit by bit and we are going to store her sentimental items (ornaments etc). I want to take her shopping as two of my sons have birthdays next month and she wants to buy them a present but I am too scared (read chicken!) to take her shopping in case she asks me to take her to her house. I am scared that if I do she will refuse to leave but I am even more scared that if she was to walk in there now and find her house getting packed up, she would get very upset and angry. I feel so torn as to what to do and I seriously do not know what is the "right" thing to do.

I also then have Mr8 crying his heart out every day when I take him to school due to a couple of class bullies. Even though his day goes okay and he is happy at the end, I still have trouble getting him there. The teachers have been great and reassure me that once I am gone he is fine but it still pulls at the heart strings even if he is "faking" it to a degree.

But anyway, I have gotten so far off topic its ridiculous lol,,,,,,this is what I mean about my mind, its everywhere at the moment. Life right now has got me thinking about the "purpose" of our blogs. I have a passion for reading everyone's blogs but I feel that my own just doesn't measure up. Reading other people's blogs I find to be "educating" and I feel that everyone else has lots of pictures and shares their lives and in turn enriches others lives by sharing information that is really useful. On the other hand I have mine that is just an outlet for my stress it seems lol. I want my blog to become something interesting, something that I can actually refer to for recipes, ideas etc etc in years to come.

My biggest problem is time. I have lots of recipes that I could share but its just finding the time to actually be able to get them on here. I don't know,,,,what do people want to see in blogs that makes them interesting????????????????????

Ever have one of those really frustrating kind of days??????

Well today is just one of those days where I wish I could just hop back into bed and start it over. Not that that much has really gone wrong but I just feel really frustrated with it all anyway lol.

We have an inside dog who is a little over a year old now. Here is his picture.....see that look of innocence in his eyes (well the innocence behind the devil reflection he has happening in this pic at least lol)..........


Well this little pooch had been blocked from entering the loungeroom since we have had him because even though he knows he has to poop etc on the paper that is laid out he used to insist on going in the loungeroom and since we had only recently bought a new loungesuite we didn't want the chew monster to try to eat it. Well since we moved furniture around this last weekend we decided to unblock the archway because I was so sick of having to climb over an upturned coffee table all the time. Today I am tempted to just reblock it off. I forgave him on Sunday for destroying my happy plant which I had in a pot on the loungeroom floor. But this morning I had to go up to my Mum's as I do her shopping for her each week and I decided that I would put his food and water in the family room and close the sliding door so that he couldn't wreak havoc in the lounge while I was gone.

DH arrived home to have some lunch with me and beat me by about 10 minutes. He walked in to find the pooch had somehow managed to slide the sliding door open and had shredded a small cardboard box throughout the loungeroom and pooped under the coffee table....ggrrrrrrrrrrrrr I tell you there will seriously be a "4 Sale" sign hanging around this dog's neck before very long.

I was already frustrated because I had arrived back at my Mum's house after I finished her shopping, only for her to say "I forgot to give you my prescription to get filled" and of course when I checked she only had 3 days worth of tablets left, so I had to drive back to the shops to get her medicine and of course there was a 20 minute wait for prescriptions.

All I wanted was a smooth sailing day today lol. I am trying to prepare for the school holidays which are at the end of this week but I can see it just won't happen. I was hoping to have the house really clean and neat so that I can just enjoy time with the boys and know that the house is at least reasonably presentable without too much of my time being taken up with cleaning.

Oh well life is like that I guess lol.